We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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