You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
