i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
