Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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