So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
