plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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