To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
