batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
