Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
