M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
