So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
