yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
