I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
