Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
