just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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