____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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