the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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