The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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