so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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