By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
