no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
