Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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