I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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