the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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