i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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