hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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