My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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