Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
