i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
