I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
