eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
