we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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