There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
