I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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