bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
