he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I touched a dick in church today
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
