i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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