So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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