boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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