so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
