As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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