yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
