Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
