Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
