She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
