didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
