he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
