Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
