I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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