I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
