I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
