Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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