apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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