What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
