there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
