Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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