Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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