Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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