You can't motorboat a personality
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
