Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
