You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that's an acceptable place to lick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
