Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
