There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
