if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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