We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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