I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
