Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
