all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
