the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
