and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
