Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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