Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
