I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
