2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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