the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Panties = found
Randomize
