Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
