i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
